What If… I do succeed?

I’m so good at crazy “what if” thoughts… The most powerful and most fearful for me is “What if I succeed?”

I have no fear of failure. If I fail, well, that’s just fine. At least I tried, right? Get up, dust myself off, and move on. How many people are going to remember something I found horribly embarrassing next week? Next year? In the next 5 years? Does it really matter or make any difference in the grand scheme of things?

But what if I succeed…? People will remember. My life will change. Doors I never imagined will open, a whole world of overwhelming possibilities will be available, and how do I chose? I like my safe little hideaway spot where no one knows me and life is what it’s always been. Better the devil you know and all that.

Right now I’m standing on the edge of a huge life change. I’ve worked and gone to school and taken care of kids for as long as I can remember, but now I’m counting down the days till I leave my extremely stressful, unfulfilling “traditional” job. I have no idea yet what I’m going to do to make ends meet because we can’t quite make it on my hubby’s salary alone, even cutting back. I get that there are a lot of issues around self-worth and self-love which come into play when someone has a fear of success, but as I’m considering how my life is going to move forward, it’s truly the plethora of available options that intimidate me. It’s like when we’d visit our family on the farm in the middle of nowhere after growing up in the suburbs… You look up at the sky at night and are just blown away by how many stars there truly are. How do you pick a favorite?

This is idea to start my own business is something new… selling amazing homemade products and sharing what I’ve learned on my journey to natural health and living and adventurous recipes and my (usually) positive outlook on life. I had this crazy realization that all my friends’ and family’s encouragement is true… I can really do this. I can make this work. But then what?

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